Getting Ready for the Role of a Lifetime

Disclaimer: grammar is not my friend, so if you can’t handle reading a blog that is not written in perfect AP style, I will make you a bit insane.

So the actual experiment will not actually begin until November 30th. But just as you wouldn’t show up for the Ironman without training, I realize, I need to get myself in order, and eased into this...otherwise, failure would be inevitable.

What exactly am I trying to accomplish? In all honesty, I’m not entirely sure. I think for me this is more about the process than a particular end goal. Here is the inside scoop. For most of my life, I never really paid attention to what I ate, was not particularly athletic, and spent most of my life working at a computer and reading books. When I reached my twenties, I finally decided to pursue a lifelong dream and start taking ballet lessons. From the first tendu I was in LOOOOVE. I had finally found my passion.

That’s when it started. The “too bad you are too old to ever do anything more than hobby classes”. I kept going , though, and started exploring other forms of dance as well. But because all I ever heard was “you’ll only ever be an amateur no matter how hard you work” I never really put more than 50% effort into it. I didn’t practice much outside of class, I still didn’t pay any attention to what I ate, etc.

Despite the relative laziness, I started dropping weight, I looked younger, I FELT younger. I developed a strong technique in middle eastern dance and pole/exotic dance fitness. I became a member of a professional belly dance troupe and eventually a teacher of both dance forms. Next thing I know, I’m in my 30s and stronger and more fit than I had ever been before. With that realization, came a sense of power.

I spent an entire life running from cameras. I’d turned it into an art form. But with my newfound confidence, I agreed to model for a couple of photographer friends. What I found was the camera didn’t have to be my enemy. It was fun ... a lot of fun actually. But when people said I should actually pursue paid gigs, I immediately jumped to “I’m too old and too short” and dismissed it out of hand.

I don’t know when my thinking changed, but somewhere along the way I started to ask myself  “what if”. What if I started paying attention? What if I practiced more? What if I put say 80% effort into things? What if I paid more attention to my training and growth as a dancer? ... went back to ballet? ... started Bikram? ... ate better?

So I set a challenge for myself to do exactly that. To keep a food journal. To go back to classes in yoga, ballet and aerial silks. To drill my belly dance outside of rehearsals. To start a Model Mayhem account. And also to make time for my art and sewing, to spend quality time with the bf and really take the time to tend to my spiritual self as well.

I still have a grasp on reality. I realize I will never dance Giselle in Lincoln Center or show up on the cover of Italian Vogue...but I want to see what I can do, what I can become. And just maybe, I want to let other women who are in their 20s and 30s believe that we are not over the hill yet - we can still have dreams too!