2 Months In!

It's been a while since I have touched base, but today seemed like a good day to check in.

The first month of the experiment, if I am completely honest, was a bit of a wash. With the holidays and general malaise that I was in, I had very little desire to do much past eating and sleeping. Needless to say, by the time January rolled around, I knew I had to get myself a little more in check.

So, with that in mind, I got a gym membership and started working out. It's hard and it's tiring, I will not lie. It has been years since I have focused on actually working out rather than just dancing. It has done some great things for me even though it has only been two weeks. I'm starting to see definition in my abs again, and have lost inches all over my body. So even though the number on the scale has increased, I am looking more toned. It also gave me a big reality check as far as what I can physically accomplish in my daily life. Even the "realistic" schedule I created was far to ambitious for the amount of free time I posses and my current level of fitness.

I am now starting in February with schedule 3.0. It is a dramatically toned down version of the original, however, it smacks of more practicality than the prior editions. Silks training is off the menu until 2013. I miss it so much, but with everything else I have going on, I simply just do not have the bandwidth to get it started, nor do I have the finances. As I mentioned, I returned to the gym and cardio in January as well as kicking off my belly dance teaching in my new Monday time-slot, February will mark my return to once a week ballet classes and at home video belly dance practices, March sees the onset of strength training, and April begins once a week hot yoga.

And, fortunately for me, I have no lack of upcoming events to motivate me in these endeavors. In March we share the stage with the Bellydance Superstars in front of Miles Copeland. This is without question the biggest opportunity of my dance career and I refuse to be anything but at the top of my game. I feel I dropped the ball at the Suhalia workshop in September, so I have a great deal to prove both to myself and the dance community. In April, JB's band has their first show and CD release. Not only do I want to make him proud, but it will most likely be the first time in a while that I will be around the infamous "SJ" and the ex that made our relationship stall so many times. Obviously, there is no room for looking anything BUT perfect. And this morning I spoke with one of my photographer friends who would like to do a shoot this summer (not to mention the week at the beach with J's family).

On February 15th, I'm going to begin the Master Cleanse for 10 days. I'll definitely chart my progress here, as I've never attempted this before. Before the actual fast, I'm going to try to wean myself off of caffeine and after it is done, my hope is to keep it as a treat when eating out only. I can make myself learn to like water, I just have to make it a habit. Word to the wise, I probably will NOT be very nice in the month of February. Duck and Cover.

If everything goes well, I'll post some before and after pictures to show how far I've come. And if it doesn't, all I can do is keep trying. "Never give up, Never surrender!"


Cheers!

Day 22

First Failure

There is no success without a string of failures, or at least that is what the experts say. So I'm proud that I've had my first disappointment of this experiment. At least it shows that I am taking chances.

A fellow dancer sent out a link looking for GoGo Dancers in the metro area. This is something that I have long thought would be fun but never had the courage to try for. So I sent the recruiter my info. Unfortunately, there was no response and I heard through the grapevine that she felt I was too heavy after reviewing my facebook pictures.

I am still in early days and not where I am aiming to be just yet, so I'm really not too concerned by the comment. The victory lies in the fact that I actually went out on that limb and applied. :)

Go ME!

Day 15

Motivation

Things were creaking off to a slow start, I always find this time of the year hardest to stay active. With the short days and presence of holiday schedules, it makes discipline even more of a challenge.

But this week two things have come along to motivate me on a myriad of different levels.

First off a friend sent me a link to an art competition to design a vinyl sleeve cover for one of my favorite bands. I am currently so inspired by their music and can’t take the c.d. out of the car, so needless to say the ideas are flooding my brain.

Normally I don’t enter these contests because I am afraid I will look like a complete amateur. Fear of failure or inadequacy prevents me from even trying. I’m noticing this is a common theme in my life even in my dancing and modeling pursuits.

Then yesterday, I get the email that my troupe is one of only 6 local groups hand selected to open the BDSS show in our city. Always cool to share the stage with icons, but this has the added element of making one actually visible to the directors and decision makers of this troupe. As one of the few working and touring professional troupes, its one of only a handful of opportunities to make this genre of dance a full time career. The odds are very small, but somewhat better than a cattle call audition. There is a chance to shine, and only have to stand out of a couple dozen rather than hundreds.

This got me thinking about all of the opportunities in the coming year. January is the art contest, in February TribalCon where I will be on stage around Zoe Jakes and Ariellah as well as taking multiple classes from them. March is BDSS. September is the Las Vegas intensive as well as the Sera Solstice and Aziza workshop my studio is hosting... and in between all kinds of personal “moments” to work toward and look forward to.

This year has so much potential. And while there are no guarantees, these are chances many people will never get.

Talk about motivation. Its up to me and me alone to do this and make sure that I am the best that I possibly can be. And if I don’t make it, then at least I know I really and truly tried. And if I do, I can live a dream I never expected to realize :)

Days 7-10

I think in a lot of ways I am the biggest obstacle to my own success. I’m working physically towards becoming the person I am in my head but I’m realizing more and more that I don’t think of myself as that person. Its as separate from my identity as SJ or any of the various other people that I find myself wishing I was more like.

I spend so much time waiting for validation from outside sources, but before I can ever hope for that to come, I have to validate myself.

With the approach of winter equinox, and the gradual returning of the light, its a great time to lay to rest the thoughts and behaviors that no longer serve. So for me it is a time to start living as the ideal me. Not to say “I’ll be like this when I reach my fitness goals”, but to actually live every day from this very second onward as my truest best most confident self.

It’s time to take care of my body and feed my spirit. Time to walk with my head high, dress how I like, be who I am, and not care what anyone else...even J... has to say about it.

So in addition to my dedication to my dance and spiritual goals, I am going to work this year towards making the me that I project to the world and the inner vision come into alignment.

AND, as long as I’m making resolutions... there is another piece of the puzzle that I am missing. While I have many friends, I have a tendency to keep them at arms length, there is not one person other than J, that I really let close enough to be a true confidant. I need to change that and really work on building my relationships with other people and letting them in. Its time to find a true best friend instead of having a myriad of close acquaintances.

Food for thought heading into the weekend.

Day 6

Still not 100%, but starting to feel human again. I was able to get up on time and take care of the fur babies and the sick boy. Work was a long day, and I got a bit wobbly by the afternoon.

My diet was o.k., with a nice green salad for lunch, but I just ate convenience food for dinner, as I was tired and also taking care of J.

I didn’t have the energy to dance, but I did do my ab work and pole strengthening work :). I’m really feeling the lack of pole time over the past few months.

Before bed I managed to start my meditation and spiritual studies.

Overall, I’m proud of the work I put in.

Days 1 thru 5

Off to a Rough Start!

The universe always throws one a curve ball doesn’t it? I was all motivated and ready to go, when low and behold I come down with the flu. Happy Birthday to ME!!

This means, the first five days were more or less spent in bed with the covers up to my eyebrows and diet consisted of whatever was available and I felt up to eating.

I’m not discouraged however. I’m excited to see what this year will bring. I love myself as I am, but I know that I could be even better with a little effort :). And the fact that hurdles beyond my control are trying to defeat me, makes me think that awesome things could await. It’s when the seas are too calm and easy that one has to wonder if they are headed in the right direction.

So I’m loading up on Vitamin C and D and getting myself pumped up for the journey ahead.

The Final Countdown

(five reasons not to just sit on my bum and eat cake)

As day one of ye ole experiment draws near, I’m dealing with my traditional self-defeating cold feet. Among the voices in my head are ones that say “you’re just going to fail” and especially loud is “most people your age are perfectly happy to come home from their day job and watch TV in the evenings”. So as I get ready to really sink my teeth into this, I challenged myself to come up with five reasons why I can’t be lazy any more.

1. I am not “most people my age.”
Let’s face it. I don’t fit the corporate mold that popped out 90% of the people in my office. While I’m sure it makes them quite content, I cannot find personal fulfillment in the business world. If work and horrible TV sitcoms were all life had to offer, how depressed would I be? Besides, I don’t even like TV that much...and there are only so many bad made for TV movies one can watch. NEXT...

2. I need to rediscover the things that made me fall in love with dance in the first place.
While there have been some wonderful highlights in the past year, in all it was not a growth year in terms of my dance. If anything, the momentum has been in the opposite direction. Too much time spent as teacher, employee, and troupe member have left me frustrated and out of touch with my inspiration, my goals and my voice...in short it has been more work than wonder lately. Don’t get me wrong, I love to teach and I love my troupe members, but I cannot let myself stagnate in the name of maintaining status quo.

3. I know I could be better than I am at present.
But I also know that I will not get there without some effort on my part. Thinking about dancing while working is great, but not going to make me the next Sera Solstice.

4. There are so many things I want to try.
Do I want to perfect triple pirouettes and picturesque aerial drops? Yes Please :)!!
And while I’m at it, I’m going to hold my Jade split as well.... just wait. It is going to be AWESOME.

5. I’m tired of un-tagging myself in photos on Facebook.
I’m not fat by any means, but hand in hand with the lack of dance progress has come a loss of muscle tone. I need to get back into gear and get my abs back.

So when the call of the big comfy couch and LMN become more than I can withstand, I just have to think about the countdown and all I hope to become in the next 12ish months. Fingers crossed...